The corridor junction just outside engineering was dim. The crew rarely wandered around here, and auxiliary systems monitoring didn’t demand much attention thanks to the automation system, which made it the perfect spot. Furthermore, the holographic projectors in this section were off for maintenance. There were no prying eyes, no curious glances, and no risk of being found, if they timed it right.

Jordan pressed his back to the wall of an unused sensor calibration alcove, his breath shallow. His pulse quickened at the sound of approaching footsteps. They were light, confident, and familiar. Scott stepped into view, pausing just long enough to ensure they were alone before slipping into the shadowed nook beside him.

“You’re late,” Jordan whispered, though his voice lacked accusation. His heart was racing from anticipation, nerves, and something deeper he didn’t want to name or confront.

Scott grinned. “I couldn’t get away sooner. Jameel was hovering around engineering longer than expected.”

Without another word, Scott closed the space between them, his right hand bracing against the bulkhead just over Jordan’s shoulder. He kissed Jordan; it had become all too familiar in recent days. His lips pressed against Jordan’s while his free fingers curled into the collar of Jordan’s uniform. Jordan’s breath hitched. He kissed Scott back.

But under the sharp edge of desire, guilt gnawed at Jordan.

His mind was a battleground, the sharp edge of desire clashing with the gnawing guilt. What are you doing? Why are you still doing this? This isn’t you. The questions echoed in his mind, a relentless assault on his resolve.

He tried to shove the thoughts away and tried to lose himself in the kiss, the way Scott seemed able to. Jordan’s breath stuttered. His grip loosened, faltering. 

Sensing it instantly, Scott paused. He instantly felt Jordan’s hesitation and faltering reaction. His hand lifted from Jordan’s collar to gently cup the side of his face, coaxing him back to meet his eyes.

“Hey,” Scott murmured, voice low but soft. “You okay? Do you want to stop?”

Jordan’s chest tightened. Scott’s eyes searched his face. They were not demanding, not impatient, just concerned. That made it harder somehow. The fact that Scott cared made all of this so difficult.

“I—” Jordan swallowed deeply. His mind spun back against his will, to Alfie’s face. Alfie’s hurt eyes. Alfie’s shaking voice. We’re done, he had said. The last thing he’d said, actually. A few days ago. The ache twisted deep in his chest. They hadn’t spoken since.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Jordan admitted, voice cracking despite himself.

Scott’s thumb brushed just under his cheekbone, gently. “I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for.”

Jordan shook his head quickly. Too quickly. “It’s not that. I want this.” His voice was breathless, almost desperate. He gripped Scott’s sleeve, dragging him closer. “Just don’t stop.”

He kissed Scott again, almost fiercely, as if trying to drown the spiralling doubts in sensation. Their bodies pressed against each other. 

But even as they continued their embrace, the guilt didn’t dissolve. It pooled like cold water deep in Jordan’s gut. The wrongness of it, the secrecy, the fact that no matter how badly Alfie had hurt him, this still felt like betrayal.

His lips parted against Scott’s, and a soft, unsteady breath escaped him.

Don’t think. Don’t feel. Just kiss him again.

So Jordan did. 

The mess hall aboard the Astra was nearly empty. Stars shimmered endlessly beyond the wide viewport, the ship slipping silently through subspace. Alfie sat alone on the broad sofa by the windows, a mug of untouched tea cooling in his hands.

He barely noticed when Jameel approached. He only looked up when the half-Deltan, half-Boslic cadet sank gracefully into the seat opposite him. Jameel’s short, purple curls cascaded over his forehead as he tilted his head, studying Alfie quietly.

“You’ve been avoiding the bunkroom again,” Jameel observed gently. “I had a feeling I’d find you here.”

Alfie’s mouth twitched, but no smile followed. He shrugged tiredly, gaze distant. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Or you didn’t want to,” Jameel countered smoothly. His dark violet eyes were patient, knowing but not pressing, and refusing to be ignored.

Alfie’s jaw worked. His fingers curled tighter around the mug. After a long beat, he exhaled slowly through his nose and muttered, “It’s Jordan. Obviously.”

Jameel didn’t react outwardly, but his posture softened slightly, leaning in with quiet attentiveness. “Come on now, Alfie, it’s been a few days since you both had that argument on the holodeck. Surely you two could find a time to talk to one another? You guys were best friends before any of this happened. You were inseparable.”

Alfie swallowed hard, voice rough. “It’s not as easy as that, Jameel. We’re done. I know that. I keep telling myself that. Over and over. But it doesn’t feel like I’m free of it. It doesn’t feel like I can move past it.” His gaze dropped to the mug, thumb tracing slowly along the rim. “I didn’t expect him to cut me off completely,” Alfie continued hoarsely. His knuckles whitened. “I thought he’d be mad, sure, but I thought he’d talk to me. Give us a chance to take a break from always being with one another, but I suppose I was so literal with him wanting space. Instead, it was like a switch flipped. He’s just been cold with me. Distant in fact. He’s gone. The best thing in my life, I’ve lost.”

Jameel’s voice was quiet. “Come on, Alfie, get out of this black hole and do something about it.”

Alfie’s throat worked, his eyes blinking rapidly. He clenched his jaw and gave a sharp nod.

“He avoids me and spends all his time with Scott now. I don’t know how even to begin to fix it,” he muttered. “I don’t even know if I can anymore. I want to, but does he?”

For a long moment, Jameel said nothing. He had grown up with Alfie, Jordan and the others on the Odyssey. They had gone to school together. Alfie and he had played soccer on the holodeck many times with his brothers. He knew if Henri or Theo were here, they would tell Alfie to pull it together and deal with it. Eventually, Jameel spoke. “You won’t fix it by sitting alone in the dark, Alfie. Just go find him. Break the ice.”

Alfie didn’t answer, but the faint tremor in his breath gave away more than words could have. He knew that Jameel was right. “Okay, I’m going to go speak to him.”

“I think he’s pulling a late shift in engineering with Scott,” Jameel added.

“Thanks, Jameel,” Alfie said, taking a deep breath as he tried to find some courage.

Scott kissed him again. This time, it was deeper, slower, but purposeful. His lips moved against Jordan’s with a desperate hunger that sent heat spiralling down Jordan’s spine. His breath caught when Scott’s hand slid down to grip firmly at his hip, pulling him tighter. The subtle scrape of stubble against Jordan’s jaw made him shiver.

“This is reckless,” Jordan breathed against Scott’s lips.

Scott gave a soft, breathless chuckle, nipping gently at his bottom lip. “You say that every time. Just keep calm. No one will find us.”

Jordan swallowed thickly, head tipping back slightly as Scott placed soft kisses down along his throat. 

Just meters away, Jaceon’s voice echoed faintly.

“Commander, I’m rerouting the secondary relays now. It should stabilise the power flow.”

“Proceed,” Gray replied evenly.

Jordan’s pulse increased as he kissed Scott more. It was maddening, terrifying, exhilarating all at once. The risk of it. The stupidity of it.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” Jordan whispered under his breath, guilt clawing at him even though he wrapped his hands around Scott’s neck. His voice broke slightly. “We shouldn’t, not here. Not now. What if we’re caught? What if Alfie finds out?”

Scott froze at that name. He lifted his head slowly, carefully. Their faces were just inches apart. His hands were now resting on Jordan’s waist. “You want to stop?” he asked, voice low but serious. His eyes searched Jordan’s intently. They were not accusing; they were checking and preparing to allow him to walk away from what they had.

Jordan swallowed hard. His gaze flicked toward the engineering deck. Jaceon was still engrossed at his station, and Gray hadn’t moved.

Something inside him twisted painfully when he looked back into Scott’s face. This wasn’t just about getting caught. It wasn’t about being seen. It was about himself. What he was doing. 

Who he was hurting. 

The fact that part of him still ached for Alfie in ways Scott could never erase.

Slowly, reluctantly, Jordan shook his head.

Scott’s hand tightened briefly, then loosened. His expression shattered into pieces, but there was no anger there, just sadness. Understanding.

“I get it,” Scott said quietly. “You’re not ready. Maybe you won’t be. That’s okay. I know you and Alfie were always meant to be. To be honest, I’ve always been jealous of it. This is on me, Jordan. I shouldn’t have allowed you to kiss me that night.”

Jordan felt his throat constrict painfully. He wanted to say something, to apologise, but Scott gave him a small, bittersweet smile and stepped back first, putting a careful, professional distance between them.

“Better we stop now before we mess everything up worse,” Scott added, voice steady even as his fingers trembled slightly when he adjusted his uniform jacket.

Jordan nodded wordlessly, throat thick. His hands curled into fists at his sides, aching with the sudden absence of touch. Eventually, he caught his breath. “I’m sorry, Scott.”

“I know, and I’m sorry too,” Scott remarked. 

Behind them, the hum of engineering continued, oblivious to the tiny heartbreak unfolding in the shadows.

They stood there momentarily, breathing each other in one last time.

Then Scott gave him a nod, a final, respectful parting, and turned away, slipping back into the flow of duty with a quiet grace Jordan admired and hated all at once.

Jordan leaned his head against the cool metal of the bulkhead behind him, eyes closing briefly as a wave of guilt and sorrow washed over him.

You did the right thing, he told himself. Then why did it feel like hell?

Straightening himself up, he took a deep breath and moved out of the darkness and back into the light. As he did that, he looked up and walked back into engineering properly; however, he paused mid-step when he saw him standing there.

Alfie McCallister was almost frozen like a statue, staring at Jordan. He unfroze himself and approached Jordan in a brisk walk.

Jordan felt himself take a big gulp and his stomach drop as Alfie approached.

Had Alfie seen him and Scott? He felt the universe starting to collapse around him. All he could do was hope for Captain Niro to announce them going battlestations or the warp core breaching. Come on, something!

Nothing happened.

“Jord, can we talk?” Alfie pleaded with big, sappy eyes. 

Jordan felt his heart ache one more time. He looked just beyond Alfie’s shoulder to see Scott looking back. He was with Jaceon and Gray. Scott simply smiled. It was that soft and bittersweet smile again. He gave Jordan an encouraging nod before turning back to his work. 

That was it. They were done. Jordan now knew this. Could he restore what he had with Alfie?

“I’d like that, Alf,” Jordan whispered back as he took Alfie’s hand into his and led him to the other side of the room away from everyone else.