When the doors to Main Engineering slid open behind her, Thawn’s heart leapt into her throat. ‘I know we’re behind schedule, Captain…’

‘At ease.’

It wasn’t Valance. It was Airex. Normally, that wouldn’t have been a source of comfort; Airex was no less a stickler for high standards. But Airex wasn’t the one who held her future in his hands, and he sounded bemused, not irritated, at her report.

She turned, gaze guarded. ‘Sorry, sir. I thought -’

‘Captain Valance needs to take leave every once in a while.’ Airex wore a faint frown, but he looked at-odds with the situation, not her. ‘So Commander Kharth and I are stepping in more to supervise maintenance operations. I’m not sure why; you’re perfectly capable of giving this ship a complete overhaul, prow to stern.’

‘That’s kind of you to say, sir. But we’ve only seventy-six percent through the coil testing and we should be closer to ninety by now.’

‘Oh no,’ mused Airex. ‘With us so urgently needed to depart Gateway?’

‘I didn’t realise we -’

‘That was sarcasm, Lieutenant.’ Airex raised a soothing hand and joined her at the pool table panel. All around, engineers from Endeavour and Riggs’s team from Gateway buzzed about the section, too busy to linger near their acting chief and especially too busy to eavesdrop. ‘It’s better for us to do this right than fast. Are we doing it right?’

‘That is exactly what’s been such a bother, sir,’ Thawn said with a rush of relief. ‘Endeavour’s been passed from one crisis to another without serious relief since… well, before the Delta Quadrant. Even after Frontier Day, the priority was for personnel recovery, not the ship. I thought I had the time to be more thorough, but then Captain Valance expressed a desire for urgency, and…’

She was flapping. It wasn’t unusual for her to flap at the idea of her superiors being angry with her, but the wave of panic rising in her throat was more acute than this situation warranted. It wasn’t the idea of upsetting just Valance that made her stomach roil, in either anticipation or memory.

‘Lieutenant.’ Airex kept his voice low, level. ‘What do you think is best for the ship?’

Thawn bit her lip. ‘I think barring an immediate emergency, we need this more intensive maintenance protocol.’

Now he dropped his voice to be even softer. ‘Why didn’t you tell the captain this?’

‘I…’

‘If you want to be Chief Engineer,’ Airex continued, gentle, ‘then you have to tell the captain things they don’t want to hear. You have to advocate for the ship. Set the boundaries of the possible and hold your ground.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be sorry.’ His expression sank. ‘Do you want to be Chief Engineer?’

‘I do.’ She hadn’t known until she had it. Until she’d had this domain of her own, a place of chaos and guesswork wrapped around a beating heart of precision, focus.

Airex gave a flicker of a smile. ‘Then you know what you have to do.’

‘It’s not – Captain Valance hasn’t made a final decision yet…’

‘Then I guess, Lieutenant, you have to advocate for the ship.’ He shrugged. ‘And yourself. I’m sure you’re used to being told that you have a tremendous mind. But you also have one of the quietest and yet strongest wills I’ve known.’ At her surprise, his smile widened a hint. ‘There are people I’ve met who, when their backs are against the wall, dig in and persevere through grit and determination. You? When your back’s against the wall, Lieutenant, you don’t stop thinking. Analysing. That’s how you keep winning. It’s a rare talent.’

‘There are times I could do with thinking less,’ Thawn said before she could stop herself.

Airex inclined his head. ‘Those are moments for instincts, yes.’

‘What if you’re not good at trusting your instincts? Knowing them or your feelings?’

He straightened, regarding her thoughtfully. Davir Airex was not oblivious enough to believe they were talking about her professional life any more. After a moment, he hummed, and said, ‘Then you turn to people who know you well to help you.’

‘What if there’s nobody?’

His brow furrowed. ‘People who know you,’ Airex said after a beat, ‘are not always the same as people you’re close to. And at worst, someone who understands your circumstances, even if they don’t understand you, is good enough.’

Thawn’s heart sank. She still nodded. ‘Thank you, sir.’

Airex straightened, troubled but accepting this. ‘I think you should put together a full report for the command staff, Lieutenant, outlining what you think Endeavour needs out of this maintenance cycle. Leave nothing out.’

‘If I left nothing out, sir, we could be here for weeks -’

‘And that’s the next skill a Chief Engineer needs to learn when dealing with their CO: haggling.’

He left, and she could have, should have started work on that report right away. But her head spun too much. She eventually sketched a broad outline, mere bones of a framework that would need meat if she was going to have anything to haggle with, and still found herself stood at the pool table panel in Main Engineering, drumming her fingers.

‘Hey.’ Hours later, Hal Riggs arrived with the next detail of engineers from Gateway, and with his usual easy manner, immediately looked at the PADD she was working on. ‘Oh, that there’s a hell of a shopping list.’

‘It’s… a work in progress. I think there’s more work we need to do here,’ Thawn said distantly.

Riggs read it, honest brow furrowing as he focused. At length he went, ‘Yup. I’d say we do. Good thinking about reviewing the intake manifolds; they’re within the maintenance window but we still ain’t sure what Endeavour flew threw the ways home.’

‘That was my thinking.’ Thawn frowned at him, apprehensive. ‘You think it’s not too much?’ She and Riggs weren’t close, but in the months they’d served on Pathfinder he had proven himself unfailingly honest and unfailingly kind. It was hard to feel bad about anything he had to say.

Riggs read on, then gave a toothy grin. ‘What makes you think attention to detail ain’t part of being a miracle worker?’

‘I’m not sure I’m a miracle worker…’

‘All great engineers are, in the eyes of everyone else, leastways. You just gotta learn to trust yourself, first.’ He hefted the PADD. ‘You clock off. I’ll get checking in with supplies about all this.’

Normally, she might have argued. Normally, her head wouldn’t be spinning so badly in tune with her heart, the pair locked in a tumbling orbit she badly needed to degrade, aligning them properly before something inside her burst.

When she left Engineering, she wasn’t sure where she was going. Nate was out of the question; she knew they’d only end up arguing. Elsa was still on leave. The others were all part of the crowd of young officers she knew more from larger social gatherings than having a specific relationship with them, and a lot were also on leave.

There was nobody who knew her. But there was one person who understood her circumstances; understood them better than anyone, perhaps. Someone with whom she had never had an honest conversation; not really.

Adamant Rhade looked about as surprised to see her at his door as she felt to show up at his quarters on Gateway. He was out of uniform, dressed down and looking like he was about to settle in for the evening, which made it easier; if she’d thought she was intruding, she’d probably not have held her ground.

‘Rosara.’

‘Adamant.’ Thawn’s expression creased. ‘Can we talk? I think it’s time you and me really talked.’